Hi friend. I’m Janne. It’s pronounced

“Yah-nuh”

I’m a mother. I’m a vision holder of a radically loving and vibrant world where all beings thrive. I’m a believer in the potential for unknown beauty and healing to emerge from the dark and distressing times we are living through on planet earth right now. And my work within this great unfucking is to explore new ways of parenting, friending, communing, lovering, purpose working and moneying as we weave the fabric of Regenerative Culture together.

I grew up in golden oak-lands or northern California, land of soap root and acorns, manzanita, dry summers, rattlesnake grass and redwood groves. It is and will always be my soul’s home. I passed as a muggle for much of my life, living in big cities, unconsciously upholding the patriarchy within myself and my relationships, searching for deeper purpose and meaning and not finding it in the places I was taught to look. At the age of 35 I decided I was bored with project Me and I listened to the softest whisper that told me my life’s purpose would blossom through the act of mothering, which had never been my plan.

From his first breaths earthside, my son showed me in full, unfurnished expressions how misaligned we are with the nurturing, life-affirming technologies within which human beings have evolved and thrived. His inability to tolerate the toxicity of patriarchal structures like age-based hierarchy, schedules and the brittle nuclear family, has called me to begin the work of mending the broken threads of ancient matriarchal cultures which so lovingly cared for life for hundreds of thousands of years. The experience of mothering in these tumultuous times, and the teachings of Marshall Rosenberg have been catalysts for my deep middle life awakening and reconnection to myself and spirit. My work continues to be informed and supported by those who share Marshall’s radical peace work, most especially the three Kashtan sisters Miki, Arnina and Inbal (who passed away in 2014). Nonviolent Communication has been the most useful and energizing tool for my personal liberation work and the transformation of the culture within my home, projects and relationships. I’m humbled and grateful for the opportunity to share my learning with others.

In 2022 my family and I moved to a small town on the Salish coast of western Washington state. I’m fortunate to live in community, surrounded by beings I love, be they human, animal, vegetable, mineral. With great humility, I’m deepening my relationship with this land that is not my home, but which has and continues to embrace and bless me in a thousand ways.

FAQ about this whole “nvc” business

I’m creeped out by NVC so I’m afraid I won’t enjoy your classes

1

That’s a statement and not a question. I’m feeling confusion because I have a need for mutual understanding. I really value this relationship so would you be willing to rephrase this as an actual question so that I can be sure I’m getting what you’re trying to say here, brother/sister?

Okay, why is NVC so creepy?

2

Thanks - that’s what I thought you were asking.

NVC isn’t creepy, but when people are new to it as a form and aren’t yet skilled at applying the principles, things can get pretty weird. These are the biggest NVC gripes I hear about from people:

a) Some people go to an NVC class and they come away with the impression that if a person follows the form of OFNR: making Observations, connecting with ones Feelings, identifying ones Needs, and making Requests of another person, that a conflict just Fabrezes the fuck outta there. Not so. The form of OFNR is a shorthand, and each component has within it specific, purpose-oriented assumptions and intentions that make NVC a radical tool for dissolving patriarchal beliefs and habits. When NVC is misunderstood - either by the person sharing it or the one attempting to learn about it, it is often reduced to a rote dialogue form. It isn’t.

b) Some people have had the experience of a person “inviting” them into a process they are calling NVC in order to clear a conflict, and then the person who invited them accuses them of doing it wrong and blames them for a shitty outcome. This is again, a symptom of clumsy application and not an accurate representation of NVC. A person with sufficient practice, who has integrated the assumptions and intentions mentioned above would likely be capable of engaging in a generative way with another person who has no experience with NVC. It is not a modality that requires both parties to have integrated the framework.

c) Some people have no direct experience with NVC but have heard negative things about it from a person they trust and they take their word for it. If that’s you, I’d like to ask that you grow the hell up. I’m joking! Children are actually way more open minded than adults and I would never diminish them by saying such a thing. What I mean to say is: I humbly ask you to give it a(nother) try - I think you’ll be very pleasantly surprised.

I’ve heard that NVC privileges white people and white voices. Doesn’t that make NVC kind of racist?

3

I’m certain that many people of European ancestry with limited practice and/or insufficient integration of NVC have, likely inadvertently, implied wrongdoing on the part of a person of color who did not follow what they understood as the form of NVC within a conversation or conflict. And that their blindness to the systemic power and privilege dynamics that exist in our society would make such a mis-application of NVC incredibly uncomfortable or painful for a person of color when this happens. Again, this is a failure of application and is not an accurate reflection of NVC as a framework.

Another thing that can sometimes happen is someone of European ancestry, especially those who experience class privilege that encourages a subdued communication style, interpret the physical and verbal expression of those who come from different cultural and class experiences and assign negative intent, aggression, rudeness etc. to these differences. Again, nothing within NVC in any way encourages this phenomena. And, because NVC has been shared more widely in Eurocentric, privileged spaces, the larger systemic phenomena that this sits within persists.

NVC is so stifling. Why should I have to change the way I communicate for the comfort of other people who misunderstand me?

4 Why do you have such a hard on for NVC, Janne?

You don’t!

And, if you consistently get feedback from others that the way you speak to them feels challenging, or you notice that you seem to piss people off, lose connection with friends, family, colleagues, employers or employees, NVC is simply offering you a useful tool in case you care about being seen and understood by others. You may feel resistance to this idea and wish others could just accept the way you communicate. I totally get that. But it’s not likely to happen. So your choices are to learn to speak in a way that doesn’t inflame people’s nervous systems, in which case they can’t hear you, or you can learn to live with the reality that you’ll continue to lose meaningful relationships with people you care about and that your positive impact on the world will be limited. Obviously I recommend the option where you just crack this code so you can stop suffering, inflict less suffering on others and do the work you came here to do already.

Because NVC has been the most useful tool I’ve found for my own liberation, overall sense of wellbeing and personal agency in an increasingly chaotic and unpredictable world. It has made me a more loving and engaged mother, friend, lover, daughter, sister, neighbor and citizen. I experience far less suffering than I used to, and I create far less suffering around me because of NVC. I have a thriving relationship with myself, with life, with the work I do in the world. And I have witnessed miraculous transformations in many others who are walking this path with me. Let’s face it - you’ve tried a lot of weird shit and paid a lot of money for some of it. Why not try this weird shit?